Tinder. Who knew one word could stir up so many emotions? Some love it, like it, loathe it, dabble in it, dive into it, paddle in it, and some haven’t even heard of it. Whatever your relationship is with the world’s most loved dating app, you’ve probably, like us of all had some memorable experiences on it.
It’s funny though because the very technological systems that are trying to create more connection can actually leave us even more disconnected. I mean how many people are simple swiping right on a phone instead of actively talking to people who they meet in real life? I worry about that though. I mean, I’ve literally rewired my brain to think that online is the only way and I swear I’m loosing social skills because of it? Or am I?
I have yet to decide whether to continue with this app of the future. However I’ve realised that if I do delete it I’m almost swimming solo against a tide of single people who are all furiously swiping away. I mean how are you going to meet the other fish if you jump out of the bowl?
But here’s what I’ve learned so far after jumping into the romantic flames of Tinder.
It’s crazy addictive
The words ‘keep playing’ when you match with someone give the app a whole game like quality. Heck why play angry birds when you can play with real life people now? All it takes is for you to pick up your phone right next to you. Which leads me to my next point…
There’s too much choice
Why stop at 259 matches when the right person for you could be waiting at match number 269? This is the biggest gripe I have. No one will settle on one person. It’s like being in a candy store where if you get tired of one lollie you spit it out and put another in.
There isn’t enough choice
By the time you go out with a fair few people and realise that you don’t like any of them you do begin to wonder… hmmm if Tinder is the final frontier then what if I don’t meet anyone I like on it?
Or in the case of a lot of people – you find yourself asking – when will I meet someone who actually wants a long time and not just a good time? For me it’s been 50/50. You can’t generalise and say everyone is out for a one night stand – but the reality of the world we live in is that you can get whatever desire you’re looking for met – and many are on offer in the world of Tinder.
Polygamy is the new monogamy
For some it’s the fact that they don’t take Tinder seriously in the first place which translates into ‘why would I take anyone I meet on it seriously either?’.
This one has definitely got to me. It affected me in the fact that if I went out with someone a fair few times and then when we started chatting on a daily basis I would start to like them. But by the time I did, they’d shoot through (see the slow fade-out below). It’s frustrating and annoying. But again, I put this down to the too much choice conundrum and the fact that they were probably ‘unavailable’ in the first place.
The hotter your are, the more you can talk about yourself
For some reason, it’s like if you’re a 9/10 in looks, you seem to think you can take up 90% of our conversation. Like people have worshiped you for so long that your words are tainted in gold or something. They’re not. And you’re not the main star. You’re a co-producer along with me in this act that’s often referred to as a date.
People are cowardly
What the heck is up with the ‘fade out?’ Excuse my french but this is the most basic of human decency and respect to be able to communicate – what you’re looking for, if you want out, if you want to continue and what your thoughts are on something.
You’d think for the fact that dating can be nervewracking and take a lot of emotionally bravery that people would be rather on-to-it in this regard. Yet, I find myself, again and again, stating the hard stuff that no one else wants to say such as:
‘Hey I think you’re cool and it was nice to go out but I don’t think this is something for me’
‘You’re great and I want to see where this goes – what do you think?’
Or my favourite – get ready for it because it’s pretty ground-breaking…
‘What are you looking for?’
But instead because of people’s fear of disappointing others, sounding mean, being too forward or general insecurity, they just stop replying.
Which leaves the other person feeling even more hurt and confused then if you’d just been straight up with them in the first place. Grow up people, you’re not at primary school anymore.
(For more detailed info on how to do the slow fade out if you’re interested see here)
So congrats to all of you who have found your tinderella! I have yet to, and I’m not sure I will. However, it’s a fascinating insight into human nature and where we’re headed. I heard someone in a documentary say today that “we’ll look back on this time and laugh as we realise how much technology took over our lives”. It doesn’t have to, but I look forward to seeing where we are with dating apps in 10 years time.